I found out earlier today that my Junior Varsity Volleyball Coach, Saroeuth Phim, had passed away in a car accident a couple of days ago. No, we were not the best of friends. No, we did not keep in touch after that year that she was my coach, but we did share a lot of memories.
The weird thing is that a couple of days ago I came across this picture of her and thought, "I wonder how Saroeuth is doing?" I do not know the exact date of the car accident and I do not know the exact date that I looked at her picture again but the question is still there. Was the fact that I just happened across her picture again a mere coincidence? Or was there something behind it? For all I know, while I was looking at her picture and wondering how she was, she could have been breathing her last breath. Life is weird but death is even weirder.
I feel sad not because she's no longer a part of my life but because she is no longer living her life. Like I said, after my Junior Varsity year, I would still see her from time to time but we did not really keep in touch. However, before I could think about her and ponder, "What is she doing right now?" Now, when I think of her, I will know that she has passed away and that if she is doing something, it is her spirit that is doing it in some afterlife or another.
She was only twenty-one. I hate to think about death even though it is a huge part of life because I know that I can die anytime, anywhere. Thinking about death and what happens afterwards and all of that stuff baffles my mind. I really do not know the answers to the questions regarding death. Like Confucius said, "We do not know life, how can we know death?" I think that is why I try to live my life day by day or week by week. Sure, when a school assignment is set a month or three months in advance I will think about it. Or when an important event is set up way in advance, I will mark it on the calendar but for the most part, I just do not think that far ahead. My thoughts of the future are pretty abstract, something along the lines of, "Yes, I plan to do this thing sometime within the next year."
I think of Saroeuth and I think of her smile. I cannot get her smile out of my head. Even when she was mad, the image of her smile was there just beneath the surface. She was one of the Varsity volleyball players I was afraid of during my year on the Freshman team but I respected her immensely and was awed by her skills. She was an awesome server. One day, late in my freshman year, I finally got enough courage to ask her for help and advice on serving because I sucked and she actually did help me out. When she was my coach for the Junior Varsity team, she continued to help me with my serving, along with so many other things.
Saroeuth, I have so many wonderful memories of you. You are in my heart and I will never forget you. I know that you are in a better place now so all I can say is, "Rock On!"